Deseo terrenal XX

Lo entiendo demasiado bien.
Cuando tus patitas están volando sobre la tierra, retando a las estrellas fugaces a una carrera
y adelantándolas, mientras de mí te alejas.
Con mi corazón sobre el lomo, no importa lo mucho que te trague el paisaje, ya que contigo me llevas
sin que mis pies de aquí se muevan.
Lo entiendo demasiado bien, cuando te llamo y no regresas.
Sé que me escuchas, sé que te alegras
de ser amado
y llamado como si me pertenecieras.
Mas lo entiendo demasiado bien, cuando tu nombre resbala de tus orejas
incluso a la pristinidad de mi voz, tú objetas
que el mundo es demasiado infinito como para aterrizar de vuelta.

Lo entiendo demasiado bien, no habiendo sido nunca liberada de mi correa
y sin saber cuán maravilloso se sienta el desobedecerla,
sé que si yo estuviera
apenas tocando el suelo y ganándole a las siempre excelsas estrellas
no podría parar siquiera
al oír mi nombre pronunciado como si de algún lugar viniera.

Dolphin

I can't stop thinking about a dream I had some time ago.

I was in some alien planet, and there was war. People were running away from it by "planet-jumping", as in, teleportation to another planet. But in order to do this, they'd have to transform into an animal first.
Some alien person told me how to do it. "You have to focus on what you want to be. Once you become it, the place you belong to will attract you into it".
I looked up the clear sky and felt a tremendous urge to splash into it like it was an ocean. Briefly, but entirely, the desire for the touch of water conquered me. I couldn't think of anything else, and so I leaped with all my might into the blue. And as I did, I became a dolphin. As soon as I realised I transformed, the "jump" took place and I was falling into the sea of another planet. I could see the silhouette of an enormous whale below me. As all that was happening, I felt so immensely euphoric.

Not because I fled the war.

But because I escaped humanity.

I remember myself thinking, woah, I really did it ... I ceased to be a human. I felt so happy, so incredible, and foremost so, SO free. Like it was my deepest, most prohibited wish ever, finally coming true. In fact, the emotion was so raw I woke up. I just felt it for a couple of seconds. But I can't ever forget...

It may sound crazy, but it's true. There's a part of me that hates to be human. Because it means to be trapped. I always felt trapped. For being human means I can't truly choose how I want to live. There's something else that owns my whole life. A god. A system. A war. I so fervorously want to escape it...

Don't get me wrong, in spite of everything, I love and cherish my life, and I'm really happy to experience this world. But the realisation that I will never be free. It kills my soul sometimes.

I believe freedom to be the most beautiful thing to be felt. Even for only a glimpse of it.

Many situations had me feeling deprived of freedom throughout my life. When I was a kid, all the time I fantasized of becoming an animal and just fleeing from it all. There's a silent bit of me that still wishes that could happen.

Asleep / Starshine V

I feel like I'm asleep again. I guess it's natural, since nobody can stay awake for too long. It's silly to intend so. You may feel you aren't making progress while asleep, though. That was happening to me. But it isn't true. When I get tired: that's when I stop making progress. And that's when I need to go to sleep, so I can continue.

It seems so basic knowledge, and yet, people seem to widely forget it. I did. And still I doubt of every single thing I think I learn. That's what this world does to you. Sometimes, I wish to remain asleep so I don't have to deal with it no more. But be it asleep or awake, you can't stay like that forever either way. The rules of day and night are simple, so simple, I wish they were the only gods to obey. But humanity created so many other gods to look upon itself. Why?

With that many bright eyes over you, you begin to be so defined. So outlined. So encased in light, where they can always, always, see you. You want to escape, but you grow so scared of saying so. Even to your fellows, it sounds so grotesque and blasfemous. You can't.

You can't choose your shape, they do. They paint you with their eyes and decide what colors suit you. You don't have a say on this. Sorry but, that's the way things are. We created gods so gods could create us.

I long for a night without stars in the sky. But I won't say it too loud. It's most probable that they can see my heart through my flesh too, and all its deviated desires. All this longing for freedom from the demiurges. So perverse, so depraved. The more I want it, the more punishment I feel upon me. Everytime I say the word it's another chain sticking me to ground. And it's like they're talking to me. Gently, but persistently, they whisper to my ear: "you should be quiet. You should not howl. You should behave".

"You ought to do as we say", they remind me. And it's like my heart is being compressed by stone walls. Then, all I crave for is an easing touch. The pain gets me exhausted, I can't fight it for much more. And I faint to sleep again.

I feel so old already.

Fire Song / Love Song IX

I maybe have a little fear
that I'll smother you with my love.
The fire goes quickly out of control.
It wants to reach the sky.

Is leaning itself to the sea.
It kinda wants to die.
But not in how you cease to exist,
but to persist in afterlife.

Not everyone can bare the heat.
I sadly learned myself.
Will you stay the whole night with me?
Don't want to be alone with the stars.

I only intend to warm your hands,
to blush your face, light up your eyes.
Is it enough to keep me alive?
Is it too much?

Won't you take me to your house?
Get sleepy by my side.
Wrap me in the clothes of home,
and I'll ward off the night.

My eyes / Love Song VIII

I've got the look
I never got.

I've got the look of shame
and love.

Those are my eyes,
the ones that shock.
The two arrows that hit
the spot.
Shooting stars across.

I've got the look
you never got.
I've got the look they sing about.
These are my eyes,
the ones that knock.
The two steps prior to
open the door.
And let the wind go through.

She's got the look.
What in the world
could make a dust-eyed girl turn gold?
I said to her
"you're not alone.
Not anymore".