I can't stop thinking about a dream I had some time ago.
I was in some alien planet, and there was war. People were running away from it by "planet-jumping", as in, teleportation to another planet. But in order to do this, they'd have to transform into an animal first.
Some alien person told me how to do it. "You have to focus on what you want to be. Once you become it, the place you belong to will attract you into it".
I looked up the clear sky and felt a tremendous urge to splash into it like it was an ocean. Briefly, but entirely, the desire for the touch of water conquered me. I couldn't think of anything else, and so I leaped with all my might into the blue. And as I did, I became a dolphin. As soon as I realised I transformed, the "jump" took place and I was falling into the sea of another planet. I could see the silhouette of an enormous whale below me. As all that was happening, I felt so immensely euphoric.
Not because I fled the war.
But because I escaped humanity.
I remember myself thinking, woah, I really did it ... I ceased to be a human. I felt so happy, so incredible, and foremost so, SO free. Like it was my deepest, most prohibited wish ever, finally coming true. In fact, the emotion was so raw I woke up. I just felt it for a couple of seconds. But I can't ever forget...
It may sound crazy, but it's true. There's a part of me that hates to be human. Because it means to be trapped. I always felt trapped. For being human means I can't truly choose how I want to live. There's something else that owns my whole life. A god. A system. A war. I so fervorously want to escape it...
Don't get me wrong, in spite of everything, I love and cherish my life, and I'm really happy to experience this world. But the realisation that I will never be free. It kills my soul sometimes.
I believe freedom to be the most beautiful thing to be felt. Even for only a glimpse of it.
Many situations had me feeling deprived of freedom throughout my life. When I was a kid, all the time I fantasized of becoming an animal and just fleeing from it all. There's a silent bit of me that still wishes that could happen.
