I feel like I'm asleep again. I guess it's natural, since nobody can stay awake for too long. It's silly to intend so. You may feel you aren't making progress while asleep, though. That was happening to me. But it isn't true. When I get tired: that's when I stop making progress. And that's when I need to go to sleep, so I can continue.
It seems so basic knowledge, and yet, people seem to widely forget it. I did. And still I doubt of every single thing I think I learn. That's what this world does to you. Sometimes, I wish to remain asleep so I don't have to deal with it no more. But be it asleep or awake, you can't stay like that forever either way. The rules of day and night are simple, so simple, I wish they were the only gods to obey. But humanity created so many other gods to look upon itself. Why?
With that many bright eyes over you, you begin to be so defined. So outlined. So encased in light, where they can always, always, see you. You want to escape, but you grow so scared of saying so. Even to your fellows, it sounds so grotesque and blasfemous. You can't.
You can't choose your shape, they do. They paint you with their eyes and decide what colors suit you. You don't have a say on this. Sorry but, that's the way things are. We created gods so gods could create us.
I long for a night without stars in the sky. But I won't say it too loud. It's most probable that they can see my heart through my flesh too, and all its deviated desires. All this longing for freedom from the demiurges. So perverse, so depraved. The more I want it, the more punishment I feel upon me. Everytime I say the word it's another chain sticking me to ground. And it's like they're talking to me. Gently, but persistently, they whisper to my ear: "you should be quiet. You should not howl. You should behave".
"You ought to do as we say", they remind me. And it's like my heart is being compressed by stone walls. Then, all I crave for is an easing touch. The pain gets me exhausted, I can't fight it for much more. And I faint to sleep again.
I feel so old already.
